licedey wrote:
Hello,
About a year ago I ran into this forum and created a post. Back then the scale of the problem was not so big and I was more afraid of going on a drinking binge after the game than stopping playing altogether. And the stopcock always worked. I played for a maximum of half a salary or so, always having a stash. But things took a serious turn when I started playing for larger amounts and I started to succeed. Constantly succeeded, until the last week. And here's what happened.
All my adult life I tried to have a stash, money for a rainy day, because in our country you never know when it will come. When you get sick, something happens, you get fired from work, a revolution starts, a war, and perhaps you will have to "start the tractor" and get out of here wherever your feet lead. So you are constantly on the lookout, keeping a few packs of greens under the sofa, in case you quickly retreat.
Last year I had a great idea. Why not put my stash on a really sure match. I've been playing football since I was a kid and I know a lot about it, at one time I even received a local newspaper prize for guessing 9 out of 11 matches. But the point is different. The event was obvious, and getting $4,000 in one day is a great result, which is more than a month of writing code until your eyes bulge (yes, I'm a freelance IT specialist).
And I won. Easily. And without thinking, I withdrew the money and put it under my pillow again. But the idea that you can make 50%+ on the right outcomes settled in my head probably forever.
The next stage was more risky bets. And I won again. This time 4 times more than I had bet. I proudly gave away 2-3 thousand dollars to my relatives and went on a drinking spree. The accumulated tension, stress and unwillingness to do anything after such a jackpot took me out of life for 3 weeks.
I miraculously did not lose my clients, from whom I was giving the cold shoulder and who were basically of little interest, after winning a half-year salary from a month. But I got through this period too, not without the help of psychiatrists and the support of my loved ones.
Then there were several more visits to the so-called "sure bets", with a frequency of once a month. I poured in 15 thousand - lost. Then I poured in 30 and began to win wildly, 40 matches out of 40, which turned out to be 100. During these days, I could not think about anything, could not read, eat, walk. In my head there were only calculations of upcoming matches, reading forecasts, statistics sites. When I lost 20 thousand on the next match, I told myself stop and withdrew what was left, while still remaining in a good plus.
There is one but. I played once a month, of course for the emotions, euphoria, dopamine, which is completely absent in my work from home. And outside the home too. This is the only form of entertainment, if you do not count the recently acquired PS4, but it is not the same. The point is that 2 years ago I set a goal to buy an apartment for my parents, who clearly live in a bad place. There is a war there now. And I confidently went towards this goal, saved up the entire amount, not without the help of bets and was about to buy. But, as I already wrote, I definitely need a stash under the couch to feel more or less confident. And if I invested in an apartment, I would be left with almost nothing. Therefore, it was decided to go to bets again and click on a small profit for the future.
The main thing is that I consciously understood that most likely, this time I might not be lucky. Previously, I would slip through by a miracle, when the coveted goal was scored in extra time, and the bet was all-in. But as you probably know well, consciousness is one thing, and the subconscious has already decided everything. Having waited until Monday, I poured all my accumulated funds (54k) into the bookmaker. Then a very dull match of outsiders was played. I bet half on a goal by one team - they could not score, but at the same time attacked the whole game. Then in live I decided to put the remaining half on the attacking team not losing. And in the 93rd minute they missed, and I lost everything. 2 years of savings, work, nerves and hopes evaporated in two clicks. I did not know what to do, like a child who was taken away from his only toy and left alone in the middle of the street.
I had no choice but to save the situation. I don't say anything to my relatives or my wife, because you know why. There were still about $20k lying under the bottomless couch. Again, consciously understanding that I was in a delirious state and that I wouldn't win, but would rather impulsively click the wrong button, I still took the rest of my savings to the bookmaker. I couldn't think about anything else the whole day, locked myself in the room and read all the statistics. I collected an express and won. I collected a second express and lost. Then I collected it again... the ending is a bit predictable. I again lost the entire amount and hammered the last nail into the coffin of my bright future.
Lost $75,000 in 3 days
What now?
Gentlemen, I don't know what to do. I've lost everything that I've been saving for 2 years. My goal of buying an apartment has gone down the drain. I understand perfectly well that gambling is evil. Sometimes, the thought comes - "But how many times has it worked out?" But even when it did, my soul felt really bad and I dropped out of life for a long time, both during the game and after.
From what I had enough strength for. I asked the office starting with 1 to lock my account. To which I received the answer: "Hello. Accounts are not deleted. If the game account is not used for 3 months, it is considered "inactive" and blocked." And I can't give you confidence that I won't be carried away one fine day to have fun for 5 thousand dollars. And if I win, I will go again and again, and probably so until I win back everything, which will not happen even with the greatest luck. But I will believe in it, that it can work out ... What to do with them? At least on betfair there was such an option ...
Question two: How can I live with this?
It's like a lifelong loser's mark, a blow to self-esteem. If I take on any business, I'll remember that I'm an impulsive schizoid who can ruin a project or the whole business in one day. The same story with work. I'll continue to earn money, and theoretically in the same year or two I'll save up for an apartment again, but how can I not break down and speed up the process through gambling... I understand with my brain, but emotions + fast cash are stronger. Plus these bookmaker ads on every corner and from every iron.
The third thing that breaks me is how to tell my loved ones or not about what happened. Even though the money is mine, and not a loan, and there are no problems in the family, my wife, to put it mildly, will not understand this. Just like my parents, they will remind me of this epic fail at every opportunity. Is it better to avoid answering?
Ahead is just fog and despair. This fail will haunt me all my life, and I don't know how to cover it up to regain my self-confidence. And the worst thing is to return to the game and fall deeper into the hole. As someone wrote here, it all started with the desire to win back a stolen car, and now - loans, debts, cops...
Where to go, how to live on?
If you bet on red in a casino and you're stubbornly unlucky, try betting on red!