Casino stories: real life and fantasy

- San, Dan and I are going to Eldik, are you coming with us? Like a year ago on your birthday, remember? - asked Lekha.
- Of course I remember. But no, guys, I don't play. - I answered.
- Well, don't play, who's forcing you? Just hang out with us. - Denis added.
"But really, who's forcing me to play? I'll just watch the boys play and that's it, what's wrong with that?" That's how my brain fooled me again. Easily, unobtrusively and beautifully. Despite the fact that I hadn't slept all night, sat through all my classes, was squeezed out like a lemon, I still went to the smoke-filled gaming room. I was absolutely sure that I wouldn't play, I made a promise to my mother and I wouldn't break it. But without a single note of torment, literally 10 minutes after coming to the slot machines, I had already exchanged the 1000 that was given to me and 500 rubles flew into hearts. Literally immediately I heard the pleasant sound of a free game caught, three masks were displayed on the screen.
8 free games.
Start.
The guys sat on the sides and the three of us pointed out where the apparatus should place the yellow heart.
5 gramophones.
Win 3000. (one credit 2 rubles)
- Yeeeeeeeee. I finally put the heart where it needed to be. Gave 6000, still 4 games left.
There were no more worthy combinations.
Win 3214
Start
Balance 3308
Collect.
- Cameraman, take it off! - I shouted.
There was a red spot shining on the screen, in the middle of which was written collect 3250.
The operator turned the key, the cashier gave me 6500 and I went home to sleep.
Did my conscience torment me for breaking my promise?
No.
Did I realize that I made a big mistake by playing after a 2 month break?
No.
Did I tell myself that I wouldn't go again?
No.
The game devil, like last year, gave me a birthday present. A present equal to almost two of my salaries. I was driving home and convincing myself that there was nothing wrong with the machines. Well, there were some hitches, now it's all behind me. Now everything will be different, I will be able to control myself in the game, I will just play a little bit, especially since I work now, I have my own money. I sincerely believed in this ludomaniac illusion and it made me feel so warm and good...

I was in the toilet of a gaming club. I was lying to my girlfriend again, because I didn't want to hear any more reproaches, overcoming my sense of shame, in favor of my lust.
I looked at my watch, the time was 11:42. "There is time" I thought and pressed the Start button...
- Sasha!? - hearing a painfully familiar voice, I turned around.
Then I immediately received a loud slap in the face.
- You made your choice! You don't have to call me anymore. I don't want to see you.
It was Natalya! She turned around and walked quickly towards the exit. I ran after her, trying to persuade her to stop and talk. Tears were streaming down her cheeks, she was walking towards the bus stop without slowing down, and I, like a little dog, ran after her, repeating the same phrase, "Please stop, I'm sorry, let's talk." But my attempts to stop her were in vain. The bus pulled up and she drove off in a direction unknown to me. I literally ran to my car and rushed to her house, where I waited at the entrance for about 4 hours, but she never showed up...
..
Days passed. I didn't believe that it was all over and tried to get Natasha back in every way. When I called, I heard "disappear from my life!" in response, and all my flowers ended up in the trash can...
So I experienced my first non-financial loss. Ludomania began to take away people dear to me. I do not absolve myself of responsibility at all, I did it, with my own hands I destroyed such a bright and pure feeling as "first love".
Was I ashamed?
Yes, it was. Feelings of guilt and shame tormented me constantly. I fell asleep and woke up exclusively with these feelings.
But despite all this, I continued to play. Truly believing in the illusion that you can play and do without lying, not understanding that these things are inseparable...

I was dead drunk, talking nonsense, but the resentment wouldn't let go. Alcohol didn't help. I couldn't understand how Natalia had found a new boyfriend so quickly? And why a smart, well-mannered girl started dating a punk from college. After the corporate party, I naturally went to the gaming club. Even in a state of severe alcohol intoxication, I went to flirt with the destruction inside me, in the form of resentment. There I took another whiskey-cola, put everything I had with me (800 rubles, left 200 for a taxi) on Manchester United winning for 1.75, the broadcast was on right then, and settled down in a soft chair in front of the TV. Literally 10 minutes of the broadcast passed and I fell asleep...
I woke up because the security guard woke me up. I don't know how much time passed, but the football broadcast was no longer on.
- Manchester won??? - I asked the security guard, just after opening my eyes.
- Go home and sleep! - the guard answered irrelevantly.
- I drew 2-2, - some old man sitting next to me told me.
I didn't care so much. I was so sleepy, so I called a taxi and went home to sleep. In the morning my head hurt so much that I was afraid to move it.
...
Gaming clubs are our everything! I hung out there every single day. Almost the same people went to Eldorado and I already knew almost all the players by name. Now, when I lost my money, I just sat and watched others play, and if someone managed to win, the "signature" phrase "a couple of hundred for the rise" was heard. This was not money for loans, it was a fee for the fact that you were rooting for the player for his free games (ugh, ***, disgusting)...
...
Three days passed and my mother handed me 32,000 to pay for college. I really wanted to do it, but the brain of a gambling addict started looking for ways to spend this money on gambling. I started thinking about what a burden I was for my mother, she was borrowing money for my education, and I didn’t even want to study. In general, the result of all these thoughts was the same. And the plan was not at all gambling addictive, it’s called third-stage gambling schizophrenia. I went to the machines to double the amount, give half back to my mother, and pay the other half for college. (I’m writing and shocked at myself). To show my mother how cool I am, that I can not only provide for myself, but also pay for my education myself. I even started to replay in my head how I proudly hand over the money to my mother, and she praises me, how great I am. Classic. Illusions of a finished gambling addict. I spent 14 hours straight without sleep or food going to gaming clubs, sometimes raising, sometimes lowering. My diet for those 14 hours was black coffee and cigarettes. The most interesting thing is that I reached ninety thousand in my pocket, but I wanted a hundred. My eyes were simply filled with gaming madness, which lasted for 14 hours straight, but still had to end someday. And naturally it did.
Balance 0.
I haven't felt this state for nine months. The same, as if someone hit me in the head with a shovel with all their might, but nothing hurts, only emptiness and prostration. A state of total drain. A state of hopelessness and despair. A state when you want to jump off the roof of a house, throw yourself under a car, gorge yourself on pills. A state when you just want to die.
I didn't leave the house for a week, just lay around like a seal in bed. I ate two spoons once a day. And in my head I wasn't thinking about "quitting", but about what an idiot I was for not leaving when I had ninety thousand.
A week passed. I came to my senses a little. What should I do? Confess to my mother again? No! I couldn't allow that. I went to banks to get a loan, where I was "refused" (thank God there were no microfinance organizations at that time!!!).
What to do?
Hopelessness! This hopelessness again!
Then a plan formed in my head. I came to work and knocked on the manager's door:
- Maxim Andreevich, can I come in?
- Yes, Sasha, come in. What did you want?
- Maxim Andreevich, I have a problem, my grandmother has heart problems, she needs an operation urgently, I need 32,000 thousand.
- How much is your salary, remind me?
- 5400.
- It's sad, of course. Well, write a statement to the CEO, maybe he'll approve an advance for half a year.
I managed to get 25,000 rubles with a six-month installment plan. But I still need 7,000. I don't know what kind of forces brought me back to my senses and I didn't go and play for the missing amount, although this was the thought that haunted me from morning till night. I called all my friends and also lied about my terminally ill grandmother. Danil from work finally lent me 7,000 rubles and I paid for my education.
Despite the fact that I practically buried my healthy grandmother, there were no thoughts about quitting the game, there was a completely different thought in my head: "Why didn't I quit when I was ninety?"...

As soon as we left the shopping center, we immediately headed to the gaming club. There was no need to go to Eldorado or anywhere else, there were 2 points with machines right across the road. Moreover, there were both ruble and fifty-kopeck machines. How could you prolong the thrill of the game. Naturally, I went there with the thoughts that 1500 for the game, and the second 1500 I will leave to pay for the loan. I even went to the store beforehand and changed a thousand for five hundred. I put the untouchable one and a half rouble note in my inside pocket and fastened the lock. I believed in this illusion, not doubting at all that I could control everything.
Two black coffees, 2 packs of cigarettes, a bill acceptor, 500 rubles. I'm in the game!!! A moment later, the last five rubles from the allowed ones are thrown into the Book of Ra machine, hoping to see 3 books on the screen.
start, start, start.
Balance 0.
Torment began in my head, I really wanted to get the credit money from my inside pocket, but with incredible efforts of will, I restrained myself with all my might.
- There are three ships!!! - shouted Vitaly.
"Damn, he's already in the black, and he even got a freebie," I thought with some envy.
- Come on, put on something normal.
Start.
From the freebie I got 1660 and another 2600 on the balance. Vitaly rolled it up to 4000 and pressed Collect.
- *******, in total I already have 6500. Enough. Let's go to a pizzeria, eat, drink some beer. - said Vitaly.
- Yes, ***, I also want to get up, and *****. - I said and took 500 out of my inside pocket and stuffed it into the books.
Did I think about what I would do if I lost the credit money? No, such thoughts cannot be in the game process. Now he will definitely give it, because I ate a 1.5 liter, without a single freebie. These were the thoughts I had, and there could be no others. And indeed, after a few spins, the machine began to sing mysterious music, and I saw three books on the screen.
- Well, I told you I had to give it! I knew for sure that it would be free!
I was as happy as a child, sincerely thinking that this was a pattern and not an accident.
Start.
Two fields of aces, and once 4 aces.
Win 8800.
I managed to even get it up to 9000 and I pressed Collect.
- We had a great time, Vitaly! We both came out on top. We need to leave. I still have to pay off the loan.
I closed the first payment on the phone loan, and the next day I paid Danil back in full. Life was getting better! That's what it seemed to me then, but in reality, all these random wins only prolonged the agony of the game and made the situation worse and worse...

In principle, I thought that a new round had begun in my life. I had a new job, a girlfriend, and I began to gamble much less often. After my shift, I went home to sleep, gambled only when Olya was busy, but I still gambled with the same frenzy, according to the principle of "all or nothing". Arriving at the arcade, I could not leave until I lost everything. The only chance to leave with money was to win a large sum, plus or minus a thousand was no longer money. Olga did not suspect anything, and I did not give her much reason. The feeling of being in love calmed me down a little. I even paid off several small debts, but the situation with the loan did not change, I also allowed delays, this could not continue forever, the "hour X" finally arrived. Stas called me:
- Hello, are you nuts? The bank just called me and said I'm 14 days overdue. They're harassing me, saying I'm a problem client and that I'm overdue every month. Why the hell do I need all this?
- Yes, Stas, I'm sorry, I admit I screwed up, I'll make the payment tomorrow. The problems are simply financial.
- I don't give a shit about your problems, they call me and pester me! I know what all your problems are from.
- Okay, Stas, I told you I’ll make the payment tomorrow.
- I don't need a payment, I'll give you 3 days, as you wish, but the loan must be fully repaid. The amount to be repaid is 8700. That's it, I'm waiting for a call and a certificate that the loan has been repaid.
Stas hung up, and I felt so ashamed that I decided to close the loan completely at any cost, to somehow make amends for my guilt. I had only one option, to call Valery:
- Hello, Valery Alexandrovich, hello! I really need an advance, could you give me 9000 for July. I need to solve one problem urgently
- Come to Trend, we'll decide, I'm here.
40 minutes later I was already sitting at a table with Valery...
“What’s your problem?” Valery asked, taking nine thousand out of a thick wad of money.
- Yes, the loan needs to be repaid, - I answered.
- Why is the payment so big? Are you paying a mortgage or something?
I didn't want to lie, but my brain was already so affected by gambling addiction that I came up with this masterpiece phrase):
- Yes, I took out a loan for a friend, he was late with payments, now the bank is calling me and demanding full repayment.
- Mmm, I see! Take the money, go and solve your problem.
- Thank you very much. Goodbye, Valery Alexandrovich.
...
The story with the loan gave me a very powerful food for thought. I probably started to look the truth in the eye for the first time, thought a lot and came to the conclusion that all my problems were inextricably linked to the game. I was seriously determined to quit it, forever. It was hard. Constantly, when I had even a little money in my pocket, my thoughts flew to where Book of ra, where Crazy monkey, where Real Madrid for 1.75, but I gave myself my word that I would never return to the game again.

Hansalex wrote very informatively and in detail about his experience of playing slot machines. It is worth thinking about the topic: make an interactive test for the level of gambling addiction. The number of similar typical situations in life that coincide is the percentage of gambling addiction that we can diagnose.

We are waiting for the continuation of the story.