☠ Gambling addiction in casinos - how to stop playing?

So-so interview. Gambled, lost, went to the pawnshop. A therapist helped me stop gambling, but life is now boring and dull.

When you play for many years, there is no special fun, the game becomes intellectual work. The goal is not emotions but adding money.

Author Marginal

Greetings to all lost souls, ex-free money lovers and those grieving over lost time. My name is Evgeniy, I am about to turn 27 and I am a former gambling addict.

Then there was university - I didn't know what I wanted to be, so I didn't see the point in paying for my studies and chose a place where I was on a budget. And that's how I ended up far from home at the sociology department. It's not hard to guess that I discovered gambling during my student years.

Once, while discussing the upcoming Champions League matches, a classmate decided to tell me that he had started betting on football. I remember he had a huge bet - on Real Madrid to win a match with CSKA. I was very surprised, for me the topic of gambling was equated to drug addiction, because I knew many stories of real people from my home village who had lost their apartments, cars and even their lives. And here was a decent guy, very smart, I was always amazed by his memory, plus he was a believer. I can't say that a light bulb went off in my head at that moment and I was thinking about easy money, but the topic interested me. After all, I have been a big fan of football since I was a baby.

Then another classmate started betting, they went to the booth together to place bets. Looking ahead, I will say that I have never played offline, I do not even know what betting shops look like inside. And so, a month after that story with the bet on Real, I decided to delve into the topic, I just had some free time. For some reason, I chose Parimatch, which I had not cheated on until the very end. I deposited WebMoney, learned how everything works, what bets there are, played a little and gave up.

Later I continued to study the topic of betting, so to speak, from a scientific point of view. And it dawned on me that this thing was gaining popularity, people were betting en masse and millions were getting hooked on the needle every day. Since I continued to work as a copywriter, I decided to try writing articles about betting. There were sales of texts, a lot and expensively. Over time, I stopped writing other topics, only sports betting and everything related to bookmakers. Then - even cooler, the owners of serious sites about betting contacted me and offered me a permanent job, before that I just worked at a copywriting exchange.

I studied, worked, developed, had more than enough money, sometimes I played for fun, although sometimes my compulsiveness took its toll and I got carried away. Then I understood that I shouldn't play, I was too emotional.


It was spring, I managed to save up about 85% of the amount, the presence of which allowed me to go looking for an apartment. By that time I was really fed up, all these years I worked myself to death for a big goal, often even sleeping every other day. I was completely burned out and decided to look for happiness in betting, only this time I went with larger sums. In general, it was a tradition for me to play in the spring, I always considered it the most favorable period. And not in vain, in a few weeks I made a good profit. And now, the goal is achieved, I have a little more than 7 thousand dollars in hand, I can attack the real estate market.


I had another dream - to buy an apartment and a garage nearby. And this dream is becoming a reality. When I buy an apartment, they tell me that they are also selling a garage, which is located very close by. And the garage is not just any garage, but a golden one, so to speak. It is the only one among all 20 that has electricity, plus it is brick, not iron. Many wanted to buy it, but the guy was principled: I want to sell the apartment and the garage to the same people. Therefore, I had the first right of redemption, speaking in the language of football transfers. Of course, I was fired up. But there is only one problem - I need 2 thousand bucks, and everything has been spent on the apartment, there are 50 bucks left. But on the wave of success I declare: I am buying a garage, give me two months. A deal.

Where to get money? Honestly, I didn't even think about betting. There were options, I was confident that everything would work out and the garage would be mine, well, I can't miss it, then I won't forgive myself. The deal on the apartment was completed, my other half stays in the city to resolve various bureaucratic issues, and I go to my parents to continue working and resolve the issue with the garage. Arriving home, I couldn't think about sleep, I was over the moon with happiness and achieving my goal. I decided to monitor the football news and saw that today was the last round of the Copa Libertadores. And the matches were promising. I scraped up the last 10 bucks from WebMoney, built a system for the night and started watching football.

Everything flies in, there are practically no returns. There is one match left, the goal I need flies in and I understand that there is definitely a win. Then another goal and voila - I already have 700 bucks. Should I continue betting? I was not sick then, I immediately withdrew. I had to decide on 1300 and my garage. The next day I found this money too, a friend agreed to lend it for six months. A week later I am sitting in a notary office and become the owner of a garage, this is a victory! Everything is fine, but the debt is hanging at $1300, and I am somehow not used to living with this, I have never taken out loans and if I borrowed, it was a few thousand.

It was hard to find work in the summer, so I decided to earn extra money by betting. And why not? It works out, I can still earn some money and move to my own apartment faster. I bet all June, there are nerves and ups and downs, but in the end I have 500 bucks in the plus, which I send to a friend as payment for a debt. July started off well, I gave away another 200. I am getting closer to the goal, but my nerves are already frayed by this time. The turning point happened in mid-July, when I bet on goals in a match of some African championship, there were no goals and I lost my temper, making Cash Out. Probably the first and last time. Everything would be fine, but right after the bet was bought out, the goals started flying. This really broke me, killed my confidence. It was the beginning of the end. But from the point of view of the game, although the beginning of the tragedy, as experienced players have already understood, came a little earlier, with a big win. Next, hell awaited me...

When everything went to shit

The ancient Chinese believed that luck is a special energy, something that can be accumulated and spent. The longer I live, the more I understand that the Chinese were very smart... And my further adventures are only confirmation of this...

After that bet, I rested a bit and continued the game. But now it was all about losses. I lost the entire bankroll, then I got into the credit card and lost a few thousand hryvnias. I pressed stop! There was no money left, nowhere to get it. The girl knew about all this, then she began to understand that the first money lost from the credit card was a very bad sign. The move to the apartment was postponed for a year, it needed repairs, but there was no money, plus there was a debt for the garage. My parents lend me money, I give it to a friend and pay off the debt. After that, I go to the sea, catch my breath and charge myself for new exploits.

But luck turned away from me at the very moment when I pressed Cash Out. If before that everything was just great and luck was on my side in everything, then after that - failure after failure. All I did was collect failures. Everything was terrible with work, all the clients disappeared, everyone started having some kind of problems. I tried to look for other sources of income, but either I quarreled with the employer, or everything fell through at the last moment, or nothing worked out. There is no money, I need to pay my parents, they are broke. I withdraw from the credit card and pay off the debt. In addition, I get into betting again and lose.
The first lies begin, the disease progresses. I quit for a couple of months, but then I relapse again. And the first scandal with a girl over bets. I promise I won't do it again. You get it, right?And new plans and strategies are brewing in my head. And so on in a circle - I earned a little, paid off the credit card, then got into a bookmaker and lost again.

Nothing good happened next, no luck with anything. It seemed like I was just a walking failure. I spat on everything and for the first time in many years got offline, went to a construction site in Kyiv to earn money. But here, too, force majeure awaited me. So a year passed after that cashout. A terrible year. I lost luck in everything: everything was wrong with work, although I tried about 10 different options, the military registration and enlistment office was pressing, everyone around was sick or going through some difficult periods in life, even on a fucking fishing trip the carp was giving me the cold shoulder. It's hard to explain, everything was decided by details, but the conclusion is one: I was attracting trouble, and it wasn't just about betting.
Thanks to the 2018 World Cup, I managed to get my work back on track a bit, save up a bit of money, and I wasn't even thinking about paying off my credit card, since I was planning to move into an apartment in October. I was just tired of waiting. And then, a week before the long-awaited arrival at my apartment, I managed to guess the minute of the yellow card and hit the jackpot of $500. Just in time, finally got lucky somewhere. With at least some money in hand, we set off into a new life....

Having won the jackpot and moved into the apartment, I naively thought that all the problems were behind me. Everything would be different. We were actively engaged in repairs, there was a lot to do, and there was very little time and energy left for work. Of course, I went to the bookmaker to earn money. It was November, during the day I was immersed in repairs, and at night I plunged into the world of bets. I managed to raise quite well, but there were swings, which led me to the MFO for the first time. The girl did not know about my game, and I hid, because I understood that there would be a scandal. And shortly before the New Year, she found it strange that I nervously smoked on the balcony in the middle of the night, suspecting something. Oh, this female intuition. She wakes up, goes into the kitchen, and here I have a bunch of tabs with bets.
I was in for a complete dressing down. Remembering those days, I remember the terrible resentment and misunderstanding. I was earning money, everything was really working out at that moment, and now I was being accused of some lie, that I had promised and deceived. In a couple of days everything calmed down, we talked. I said that I would not bet anymore, although such a decision was very stupid. And I really did not bet. But this incident affected me so much that on the 30th I was lying with a high temperature. A grief-stricken gambling addict, whose game was taken away.

January, February, March, April - all this time, not a single bet. But I became some kind of monster. I constantly reproached the girl that the decision to stop betting was wrong, there is no money, no work, the repairs were frozen due to lack of funds. All these months I worked little, as a protest, and to be honest, it was hard to get orders. I played computer games to distract myself from reality and fill the emptiness. And then May came, I score on everything and return to the game. I am hungry like a beast that was kept locked up, ready to tear and throw, bankrupt bookmakers and demand that they beg for mercy. I am a professional, and here they do not let me play, they do not understand the poor and unfortunate. Yes, I will show everyone who is the daddy here ...

There was no money to build up a gaming bankroll, so I had to take out a microloanand act quickly. The start was great, discipline and strategy ensured daily profit, loans were closed. I think the 11 out of 12 system broke me. I didn't make it to one match, crooked-legged Roma let me down. I went crazy. How is it possible, 11 came in, but 1 didn't. If I can guess like that, then it makes sense to load large sums with singles, I will definitely be in the black. Well, you get the idea.... I lose a lot, but then miraculously an express wins and I win back. Life doesn't teach Ludik anything. The next day, big bets are in play again.

Slowly but surely the minus increases, and the number of microloans grows like yeast. I change tactics and switch to systems/expresses. And then pain awaited me.... One run is missing. System 7 out of 8, 9 out of 11, 12 out of 13 - what difference does it make, one match will screw everything up anyway, and, according to the laws of the genre, this is often the last match in the coupon. Terrible bad luck. I probably would have left the game. But I adequately understood that the jackpot was just around the corner. It would be fine if everything flew by, then I would admit defeat. However, a little is missing, which means happiness is close, after all, gambling addicts are purposeful and stubborn fools.

Then I do something I've never done before. I find a large sum, again in the damned MFOs, and I pour it all into the finals of the LE and the CL. With the Europa League, everything was still 50-50, but the Champions League final was a blow below the belt. I thought for a long time between a Liverpool victory and an exchange of goals. I chose the latter for two reasons. Firstly, I'm a Liverpool fan, and secondly, the statistics of the CL finals screamed about the concreteness of such a bet. And lo and behold... My favorite club wins, and I don't give a damn, I'm empty...

I immediately confess my affairs to the girl, I don’t even know why I did it. Probably, I felt bad. But I didn’t stop playing. I rest for a couple of days and again increase my bankroll in a disciplined manner. It seems to be not bad... until the first series of failures. And then again systems/expresses, again painful, where there is not enough just a little. Then the bookmaker gives a bonus to the casino. I think, but I don’t risk it anyway. I won something there, but again a bummer at the last moment. Some jackpot cards fell out, but out of four possible amounts I hit the smallest. And so the casino is a completely incomprehensible topic to me, I have never played before or after, I don’t see the point. These constant failures, which have been going on for the second year now, push me to go to a fortune teller to find out everything, but there will be a separate point about this.

I continued to take out loans and continue to lose money on bets. And maybe I could have stabilized the situation, but one incident completely mowed me down - I collect an express, put the entire bank of 101 dollars, the bet is not accepted, because the maximum amount is 100, I change the bet size, re-submit, but the system tells me that one of the matches has already started. I got mad and started collecting another express, which loses. And then it turns out that the one that I could not place because of the limit, wins with a bang. I lost my last touch with reality...

I play, play, drain, drain and at one point I understand that I am in total ass. I didn’t count how much debt I have, I was probably afraid. I figured in my head, well, probably 40 thousand. The girl thinks that I am minus 20 and I haven’t played since the Champions League final. There is no way to pay off the MFO, that’s it. For the first time in my life, I have to reveal myself to my parents. I call, I say so and so, I completely drained. Immediately hysteria, how could you, you are not like that and in the same spirit. They helped, they lent 40 thousand.

I wanted to put this money, but it is taboo for me, I couldn’t. I start paying off the MFO and understand that the money went away very quickly, but the debts still remained. I figured that I still need about 30 thousand. The girl, when she found out that I borrowed 40 thousand, immediately understood that I lied, played, cheated and slammed the door. What did I feel? Guilt, emptiness, despair, pain, hopelessness, humiliation, thoughts of suicide. Well, like everyone else. I settled down, but that same night I poured a little into the systems, another loan from the MFO. Everything was lost...

The next day I wake up and realize that there is someone in the apartment, I am not alone. Schizophrenia? No, my beloved has returned, and fortunately not for her things. But with a last chance. She spent the night with her parents and actively studied the problem of gambling addiction. She pressed on the sore spot, spoke to me in the language of gamblers, my eyes began to open. It was Thursday. But you understand that these demons do not let go so easily. In the following days I gradually came to my senses, thought a lot, really wanted to quit, so far because of the fear of losing a loved one.

Thursday, no bets. On Friday, one flew at night, since there was money left in the account, and the limits did not allow to withdraw it. The gambling brain found a loophole. The next one was on Saturday night, I still had an express in the game from Tuesday, it did not reach and I got carried away a little. Just a little, but the bet was made. On Sunday, I think about additional earnings, a forecast service with payment. Everything works out right away there, then a forecast loss, another one, and another night hundred bucks from the MFO fly to the office for the Colombian league match. This was the last bet. I am even very glad that it lost miserably. Since Thursday, I gradually fought with myself and even somewhere understood that there would be breakdowns and they would be beneficial, and so it happened. The girl found out about these breakdowns after a while, I told her the truth, but she did not believe, it knocked me out so well, but I did not want to bet anymore.

Since Monday I have been moving further and further away from the boat and closer to real life. And one sunny day I found the balls to count all my debts. I downloaded my credit history because I didn't trust myself, or rather myself as a gambling addict, I combed through all the microloan services that exist. My naive soul thought that there were still 30 thousand debts left after I paid off 40. Ha-ha-ha, no way - 85,000 hryvnia. It was a real shock. Well, how? Where from? I don't remember how I took loans here and there. I check the history of my bank card - everything is correct, such loans exist. I have never been so scared in my life as at that moment. My legs are numb, my hands are shaking, I swallow cigarette after cigarette.

If before that there could still be doubts that I would quit this crap, then at that moment everything was obvious to me. How can you be so crazy that you can’t figure out anything at all? This is the end, no other way. Yes, I’m completely screwed. The stakes, the fog, the bottom. I understand that I was in a fog, under hypnosis, and woke up at the bottom. It’s profitable to blame the disease for everything, although, to be honest, it was in those minutes that I first admitted to myself that I was really sick, and it was, unfortunately, not sclerosis...

Ludomonia is going away, but debts remain

As a result of the fog, my credit card is minus 40,000 and 125,000 microloans. The first time I confessed to my parents, I wrote earlier, they lent 40. Then I had to confess a second time, it was double the pain. I managed to borrow another 50,000. Thus, 35 thousand debt to various MFIs remained. And here is the worst thing. I have been struggling for a week to find somewhere 25,000. My parents lent from credit cards, you can fight this and gradually pay it back. But MFIs with their interest are a nightmare. I understand that if I find 25 thousand to pay off the MFI, then I will gradually cope with the remaining 10, the interest will be small. I receive about 9-12 thousand per month. The monthly payment on credit cards will take from 8-9.

A dead end at the moment. If I don't pay off the microfinance organizations this month, then at best they will mark time, which is unlikely. It is more likely that my debts on microloans will gradually increase. I have been working as a copywriter since my student years, I have never had a work record book. I have called all the banks this week. No one wants to give a loan without official employment. The current situation with the banking sector in Ukraine is deplorable, they won't even give a stinking credit card. Although my credit history is without a single delay. Friends, relatives - all are broke, I squeezed everything I could out of my parents. I do not give up, but I really understand that I can't do anything because of this, for several days I have been lying like a vegetable, although the idea of speaking out on the forum brought me back to my senses a little. Or maybe I should borrow 25,000 from an microfinance organization and put it on a coefficient of 2.00 and the problem will be solved in a couple of hours? Nope, that's enough already. If you die, then die with honor, in battle, as a human being, not as a ludicrous person.

I came to the fortune teller, I was a little skeptical, I kept quiet and didn't spill any unnecessary information. I wanted to make sure that she had real abilities. She undressed me with her cards step by step, I had no doubts.
There is no point in telling the whole session, but a lot was about gambling addiction. At first she figured out that I had killed my self-esteem, but she still didn't understand anything about that. Then she was stupefied by the following fortune telling: there is money, and then it is gone, then there is again and a lot, and then it disappears again. She was slightly confused, and I said that the cards were talking about my loans. A couple of minutes later she asked, why are you constantly turning to higher powers and asking for something - well, we all pray for winning in the game, don't we?
It gets even more interesting. She asks the next question: do you smoke weed, slot machines or alcohol? She quickly figured out the altered consciousness, I answered "slot machines". It is clear that she meant gambling, she just does not know about bets due to her age. The essence is clear. At this moment she realized that card about "money - no money". After that, the verdict is given: the cards say that you absolutely cannot play. In my head there is only one question "where have you been before". After a while, she returns to the topic of gambling and anxiously tells me the following: "If you play, son, you will collapse." I was then halfway to my collapse, and although there were many reasons to believe the fortune teller, I ultimately did not listen to her. It was mid-June, and a month later, I and the collapse hugged tightly, alas.

I played for 7 years, two years of active phase and two months of binge gambling. Now I don't doubt for a second that it's in the past, I have no fear of gambling addiction. If someone is reading these lines, they are obviously genuinely freaking out. Like, dude, people here have been sober for several years and are afraid that they will break down, and you with your two weeks without betting are a clown. Yes, I know the stories of many. I don't want to seem like a self-confident turkey or shout that I am free, as many try to do in order to calm and convince themselves. The bottom has been reached, and there is no more living space on my forehead to hit myself with a rake. I am even ready to bet that I will not bet anymore.

I promised and swore to my girlfriend that it was over. Then I promised my mom, then I gave my word to my dad. In the end, I promised my cat that I wouldn't bet, and a cat is sacred. When I was sitting in shock from recounting the debts and fell into depression, he looked at me for a long time, lying on the bed, and then took a deep breath and went to bed. Your mother, even the cat knows what a moron his owner is. But all these promises, you have to be sincere, don't give a damn. And I understood this perfectly well. They mean nothing until you come to an agreement with yourself, and that's the main thing. Prohibitions do not work, restrictions and fears - all this is temporary.
I wanted to run away and hide behind illness, but there was no way, so after drinking a lot of shit and raking in the fruits of “earning” on bets, I gradually came to the realization and conclusions:

Mathematics - the player is in a losing position, by default. The same margin and payout percentage in the casino. No value bets or strategies will save you, the dispersion will crush everyone sooner or later.

System - There is no way to fight a crowbar. The bookmaker is stronger, and this is logical. Mathematics, experience, collective intelligence, innovative software, knowledge of player psychology, inside information. At the same time, the bookmaker's gaming bank is limitless, it is ready to sacrifice a series of financial losses, and the player runs for a loan.

Psychology - Having made a bet, you immediately get into the net. If you win, you want more freebies, if you lose, you run to win back. It's a vicious circle. Plus, a mental disorder, which leads to the creation of your own reality with elements of schizophrenia and paranoia.

Physiology and biochemistry - like it or not, the body rebuilds itself after participating in gambling. Strategies, discipline, small amounts, a small number of bets - who cares, it will affect everyone, it's only a matter of time. Here you can simply listen to or read Magalif.

Sociology - every player becomes a marginal, which causes oppression, hatred, resentment and sends him to all sorts of troubles.

Philosophy - time cannot be returned, and to hell with it. Another thing is scary, karma is spoiled. And if only yours, but no, the universe is arranged very interestingly, and loved ones suffer from the actions of a gambling addict. And the worst thing is when this karmic burden falls on the shoulders of children, grandchildren and the whole family. Why should someone, even unborn, pay for your sins?

But all this is lyricism, although that is how I see it. The most important argument for me is the energy of winning money. Winning at a bookmaker's office, casino or lottery will never make a person happy. Call it what you want - a deal with the devil, an expensive loan, a black mark and so on. Free money is damned. The day when I hit the jackpot became one of the best in my life. But I was wrong, it was the worst day, fatal. I bought a time bomb and at one moment it exploded. I will never take free money again, never. Even if there is a suitcase with lemon greens lying on the road. What the hell do you need it for? Unless you give it to a good cause. Otherwise, suffering, failure, pain, torment. And without winning, everything loses its meaning.

I let go of the money I lost. I stick to the version that I bought myself off from illnesses and troubles. Bookmakers are like devils, let these devils choke, if only they would leave me and all my loved ones. And to think that some uncle took it from you is a direct path to a tavern or a madhouse.

A few more words about gambling addiction. I often read that if you are a gambling addict, then it is forever, but you either play or not. I don’t even want to accept this position. Probably, cores and tomatoes will be thrown at me, but this is nonsense. I know that by generating such a thought, we are simply laying the foundation for a future breakdown, that’s all. The disease must be recognized, of course, but you need to live like a normal person. If you constantly tell yourself that you are sick, so poor and unhappy, then diving into this shit is just around the corner. A convenient position. It sucks for everyone to return to reality, you want to feel sorry for yourself, call yourself sick, hide behind this. But this path is wrong. Although you shouldn’t be so categorical, everyone has their own path, and the main thing is that the result is the same.

There are still a lot of thoughts, but the night flew by quickly. I will finish, maybe in time I will write something else. Goodness, peace and peace of mind to all! To evolve or to degrade - that is the question!

Ex is a systemic term that consolidates past actions within the framework of an "eternal mistake."
In order to stop being someone's ex (prisoner, cop, husband, drug addict, etc.), you need to acknowledge the fact that you are not an ex.
You are the one who suffered from the systemic "psychovirus" and was cured, the method of healing does not matter, everyone creates their own way of recovery. For all categories of "psychovirus patients" there are three stages:
1. A person knows about the "psychovirus", but he has internal immunity.
2. A person has become infected with a "psychovirus" and knows his diagnosis.
3. A person feels that he is being consumed by a “psychovirus”.
You can and should be cured at any stage, I had to fight the second one and find a way to be cured before I returned to the casino again! I am not a former gambling addict, I was careless enough to get infected with gambling addiction, overcome this diagnosis and be cured of the "psychovirus", later I created immunity and returned to the casino! I have a goal and it is not connected with the "psychovirus", I clearly understand stage 1. When a person does not recognize himself as someone, he always finds the definition of "former", he anchors his illness forever!
This is systemic psychology, because the emphasis shifts to defining who the person was. It's like the proverb "a lying stone gathers no moss" where the emphasis shifts to the lying stone, which the water simply ignores...
Wisdom does not imply that it has been somewhere, it always knows what path it has taken before it became wisdom!
Remember this, friends!